How to Deal With Difficult Personalities as a GAL
When a Guardian ad Litem ("GAL") is appointed on a case, they must interact with many individuals to conduct a thorough investigation. This can involve having difficult conversations with individuals who are experiencing significant emotional distress, conflict, or just general challenges. Managing difficult personalities can be tough, and GALs often need a plan and strategy to effectively do so. Please note when referring to being a GAL, the same can be said in the role of Child Representative for the purposes of this article.
My primary focus, which should be all of GAL's primary focus, is the child's best interests, so understanding and learning how to navigate and effectively manage conflict with people who may not cooperate but who regularly see the child is essential.
I spend a great deal of my time working as a GAL. During my investigations, I have seen multiple instances where dealing with children, parents, and other attorneys has become difficult, and I am certain my experience is not unique. Unfortunately, this is common due to the harsh realities of a GAL's work. Oftentimes, people can feel scared and nervous when a GAL gets appointed to their case for varying reasons as it pertains to their family. These strong emotions can lead individuals to put up their guard, become defensive, or generally become more difficult to interact with. I have learned many tips and tricks to help others in their investigation when dealing with a difficult personality, and I have sat down today to discuss those.
750 ILCS 5/506 guides GALs in their work and provides in pertinent part as follows:
(2) Guardian ad litem. The guardian ad litem shall investigate the facts of the case and interview the child and the parties. Unless the court directs otherwise, the guardian ad litem shall submit to the court and the parties a written report, written recommendations, or a proposed parenting plan, in accordance with the child's best interests, not less than 30 days before a final hearing or trial. The guardian ad litem's written report or written recommendations shall be admitted into evidence without the need for foundation. The guardian ad litem shall be available for deposition before a final hearing or trial notwithstanding any other discovery cutoff. The guardian ad litem may be called as a witness for purposes of cross-examination regarding the guardian ad litem's report or recommendations. At the discretion of the court, the guardian ad litem:
(i) may be present for all proceedings, including in camera examinations of the child;
(ii) may issue subpoenas for records as part of the guardian ad litem's investigation; and
(iii) may file pleadings relating to procedural matters.
When talking with parents regarding a GAL investigation, it is important to recognize that people can respond poorly to challenging situations – they are going through one of the most difficult and scariest moments in their life, fighting for what is most important to them. I always make sure to approach my meetings and overall any communications with parents with kindness and respect. Your role as a GAL is not to pick sides or favorites. When making recommendations that may be in line with what one party wanted, I oftentimes have to emphasize that none of this is personal, and explain the basis for the recommendation to demonstrate that it is grounded in fact and evidence rather than feelings towards one parent or the other. You are there for the child, and your investigation and recommendations have to remain focused on that.
My investigation with the parents usually starts with obtaining information in advance from each parent with documentation, if relevant. I find that this helps each parent feel like they are able to show their side of the story and explain their perspective. This includes a detailed intake sheet I send when appointed and asking for any relevant documents they wish for me to review such as communications with the coparent, reports (such as IEP, 504 or neuropsychological reports), pictures or videos, and anything else they feel may be relevant. I review what is provided before I meet with the parents, and I will not meet with a parent until I have my intake sheet. This is intentional because the intake sheet gives me a great deal of insight and background going into the meeting.
However, no matter how respectfully a GAL approaches the situation, there are still difficult personalities. Sometimes these difficult personalities are a result of undiagnosed, diagnosed, or untreated mental health conditions, sometimes they are not. When a parent becomes difficult with you, it is essential to remain calm and professional. To help with this, I often neutralize my concerns and questions to direct them toward the actual issues at hand rather than the individual parent. Breaking complex cases into multiple issues where the parent and I can address them individually can prevent them from getting overwhelmed and going into shut down mode.
Recognizing signs of escalation that can cause disruptive behavior and trying to de-escalate the situation is critical. Typically, if a conversation turns into the parent arguing with me or interrupting me nonstop, I will first ask them to please stop their behavior and give them multiple chances, as again, I understand this can be a difficult situation. If their behavior doesn't change and the conversation turns into disrespect towards me, I will end the call and perhaps schedule another meeting. This allows the parent to cool off and take a break. I always remind the parents that I am there for the child, not them. I remind them that our shared goals are in their child's best interests and wellbeing.
Parents may sometimes have difficulty with each other rather than with the GAL personally. For example, a parent may interfere with the other's parenting time or may start speaking to the other parent inappropriately. When this occurs and it is brought to my attention, I will first ask the other parent for their perspective, investigate as may be necessary, then give my recommendation as expeditiously as possible. I will not tiptoe around it, and I do call out this behavior. Oftentimes, I will try and implement or suggest tools to address these issues, which may include requesting coparenting therapy, or therapy/coaching for one or both parents.
Although my role as a GAL does not involve issuing court orders to force parent behavior, I can and will provide my insight, concerns, and recommendations about a parent's behavior, which may lead to the court entering orders based on my recommendations. Generally, the more background investigation and support that led to the recommendation, that can be explained to the judge, the better.
Regarding children, I approach any challenging behavior with caution and understanding. I try to make the meetings as little intimidating as possible by emphasizing the child's comfort levels. If there is more than one child, I will typically interview them separately, unless they really want to be together (this is rare but can help in some situations). I schedule meetings with children by taking them to get hot chocolate or ice cream so that they can feel comfortable. Getting some sugar in them and casually sitting and chatting makes the situation less scary for the children involved.
I usually approach my meetings with children in phases. First, I let them know they cannot get in trouble for anything they tell me and reassure them this is a safe space, while explaining my role and seeing if they have any questions and concerns. I also check if they were supposed to tell me anything (i.e. coached by their parents). I try then to go through easier topics such as school, activities, and friends. Opening it up through positive experiences for the child can help make them open up generally for the rest of the meeting.
After the introductory period of the meeting I will proceed by asking the child very open-ended questions, not directed at any specific issue involved with the case. "Tell me about mom/dad?" "What do you like to do with mom/dad?" "What is difficult or challenging or you wish you can change?" I have a list of questions I have curated through the years, and I sometimes modify them based on the responses I get. As the meeting goes on, the child tends to open up. A neutral environment and not having specific case-related questions helps their comfort levels.
If a child is not talking and shutting down, I will direct my conversation and questions to a yes-no style. Asking questions where a child can say yes or no can give me more insight as a GAL than them not speaking at all. Sometimes how they answer says more than the answer itself. Otherwise, I keep the questions open such as "tell me about…."
Other challenging dynamics can be a litigant's attorney, who may be disengaged or overly combative at times. Here, it is best to keep everything in writing, and not over engage in communications that do not require responses. Remember, they are litigating on behalf of their client and may be putting on a show, so do your best not to "take the bait."
Another helpful tool as a GAL is the ability to write reports. I do this often in cases both interim and final reports. This is a great opportunity to demonstrate the thorough investigation you have done and put forth your recommendations with a road map of the investigation and analysis that led you to those recommendations.
I learned to navigate and direct my conversations and investigations with difficult personalities through experience and problem-solving. I show kindness, respect, compassion, and professionalism in every aspect without tiptoeing around serious issues I see. Ultimately, I will prepare a comprehensive GAL report with relevant facts, behaviors, and recommendations based on my investigation. So, any "bad behavior" from parents or attorneys will show in my report to the court.
I take my role as a Guardian Ad Litem very seriously, and dealing with difficult personalities is part of the job. Like mine, your role as a GAL is significant and necessary for children's wellbeing and safety. Having a set plan and tips to help manage bad situations when dealing with difficult personalities can help you do the best job possible, remain calm, and provide a good report.
NOTICE: This blog is intended solely for informational purposes and should not be construed as providing legal advice. Please feel free to contact us with any questions you may have regarding this blog post.